The Debt Killer Diaries

What controls or triggers your internal impulse mechanism to spend cash on material things?

-Society/Peer Pressure?

-Necessity?

-Habit/Addiction?

For me, the ADD seemed to kick in to high gear as soon as I set foot inside a big box store, replete with all the bells, whistles and trinkets one could ever need. Hell, shopping was our form of entertainment. We told ourselves that we didn’t have the money to blow on movies or concerts so, instead, we’d blow our hard earned cash on all those things we convinced ourselves we NEEDED.

How many times to you think I bought tons of flower and vegetable seeds and other assorted gardening accoutrements because I was going to start that ever elusive garden this time!?

 How many Betta fish do you think I longed to save from their dreary existence, confined in their plastic cups? ALL OF THEM!!  (I was determined, or would kill them trying….)

 Note:  Never buy an ADD person a high-maintenance fish.  Death will ensue. 

And, in a reasonable world, you can only color your hair so many times in a one-week period.  (Seven, if you’re really, really dedicated or can’t commit). At present, I’ve got at least 4 boxes of assorted shades on hand, one box of Shine stuff?!?!, and a bottle of punk blood red dye from Hot Topic.  (At least THAT one wasn’t intended for me!).

 How about socks?  Fuh-freakin’-geddaboudit! You and I both know that the Sock Gnomes like to fuque with you every single time you change socks.  So, in my attempt to quash these yarn-bearded nuisances, I’d just buy new socks.  A round for the house.  Socks x 4, in assorted shapes, colors and sizes. I mean, if they’re colorful, they’ll be easier to spot, right?

 I won’t even go into the amount of food bought in fits of cooking glee that later got discarding in a fit of cleaning glee.  Public television cooking shows have cost me a fortune over the years. 

 It’s the constant nagging power of suggestion brought to you by the folks on Madison Avenue, and the retail kings who hire them. We are compelled consciously AND subconsciously to buy, buy, buy, ad nauseum! 

While I’ve broken most of my compulsive/impulsive shopping habits from yesteryear, I still cannot seem to go near a fabric, yarn or craft store.  When I enter one, I am certain that I’m gonna knock out two gorgeous Vogue sweaters, 39 scarves-knit or crocheted, 5 knitted handbags with an array of embellishment and beadwork and at least 12 pieces of fabulous jewelry, all while I am working on the next “Ophelia”, never mind that I can’t paint.

Ophelia by John Waterhouse

Courtesy of Artmagick.com

 It boils down to giving yourself a very swift, very succinct kick in the rear end.  “Do I really, really, REALLY?! need this?  Really?.  You can use this question anywhere, anytime.  Bookstore, mall, restaurants, convenience stores, etc.  I mean, why continue living with the shame of frivolous spending when you CAN stop yourself?

Here are a few things I use to keep myself somewhat in check:

-Never, ever, ever browse. ALWAYS have a purpose when you enter a store. 

-Go when you don’t feel like it!  You’ll be more motivated to get the hell out of there as quick as possible!

-Think about how pathetic you feel already for buying the last round of stuff that still remains tagged, bagged and untouched in a closet or drawer. 

Next time your impulses try to get the best of you, slap them upside head by taking a moment to pause, reflect and really examine just what the hell you are about to do.

According to the Administrative Office of the U.S. Courts, there were 1,153,412 personal/consumer bankruptcy filings from March 2007 to March 2008. Splendid news, eh? Means it’s ok to go out and file because at least 32.4% more of us US-ians are filing, right? How about no. How about thinking and planning and exploring every single option available before taking such a short leap off such a tall cliff!

Bankruptcy has been discussed at random and repeatedly over the years in our household. Some really huge, underlying fear of doom has kept me from pursuing it any further than a free initial consultation with a local attorney. Did you know you’d have to pay up front to even start the process? Now, how do they expect you to do that when you are FILING FOR BANKRUPTCY because you have NO MONEY????? This, I do not get. I know, it’s not that way everywhere, and you could even be brave and probably try to do it yourself, but damn! This is some serious shite, and I want legal representation if I ever take this route.

All opinionation aside, I made a short list of the pros, cons, so whats and what won’t be fixed in relation to bankruptcy. This may or may not apply to you too? And, hey, if you’ve ever been through the process, shoot me an email at debtkiller at g mail dot com sometime, if you have any good advice! So, let’s begin, shall we?

PROS:

-Wipe out debt faster
-Remove stress of owing so many things all at once
-Start with a clean slate (sort of BS, but u get my drift)

CONS:

-Doesn’t erase feelings of worthlessness caused by shirking financial obligations
-Defines failure (not in all cases, but for me-it probably does)
-Credit is ruined for at least 7-10 years, or for eternity. You decide.

SO WHATS:

-Credit’s already beyond saving
-Feeling like a failure is a choice. I can CHOOSE to move beyond that and improve

WHAT BANKRUPTCY WON’T FIX:

-The shoddy, lackadaisical money habits that may have gotten you into the mess in the first place
-Marriages or families that are falling apart regardless of financial status

Those are just a few things that ran through my mind when thinking about it all again. At this point, anything we owe is probably outside the scope of bankruptcy anyway, taxes, student loan debt, etc…etc..puke. So, I just don’t see it as a viable option in our household right now. Furthermore, just because everyone else SEEMS to be doing it, doesn’t make me feel any more comfortable with it. I don’t often follow trends, why start now?

I want to make our finances stable, healthy and then better than good. I think that filing bankruptcy would just be another roadblock that we would have to struggle to overcome, and frankly I’m not sure we’re strong enough to get over that one right now.

My advice, if you’re in the same kind of straits, is to really, really examine your thoughts and feelings about bankruptcy before you begin the process. Educate yourself. Learn what types are good, bad and ugly. Remember, only fools rush in, right? (Nevermind the fact that other fools, like me, get themselves in pickles like this way too often :D)

Carry on.

Apart from being the world’s leading expert on procrastination , I’m also pretty good at finding free stuff to do. It’s what you do when you live on low funds! Does it take some creativity and research? SURE! But, seriously, most free activities are better and more enjoyable than those things you pay to do! Well, unless you pay to go to a gym…and actually GO to the gym regularly. In a fit of undirected glee, I’ve decided to share with you my top 5 forms of free entertainment. Easy on the wallet, waistline and mind! Try one today!

1. Go for a walk. If you have a car, seek out an exceptionally large, old cemetery. You can get your exercise, your heebie jeebies and your history lesson all in one session. No membership required-unless you plan to stay permanently.

2. Art galleries and museums are sometimes free for the visiting. Check out your local Yellow Page listings to find out if there are free art venues in your neighborhood.

3. Hit the Antique malls. This is a place where you could truly get lost for hours, checking out all the ancient artifacts of yesterday. If you’re the creative type, it’s also a free way to get inspiration for new projects. You can play dress up with old hats, check out decades-old magazines, see how things were made before automation and just generally have a great time, without buying a thing!

4. Volunteer. Spend some time working on a Habitat for Humanity house or helping hand out food at the local foodbank. Sometimes, getting lost in helping others is the best way to forget your own woes, and it CAN be a good time!

5. Check out your area’s community calendar (online, tv commercials, etc.) to see what free events are taking place around you. Anything from old movies to presentations by famous authors can be found, especially in areas where colleges abound. Concerts in local parks are sometimes free, as are some community holiday festivals (think Fourth of July, Halloween, etc.).

In conclusion, if you’re monetarily-challenged like me and you tell me you can’t find anything to do, you may want to duck, because I will most likely be aiming to slap you upside the head!  Culture, education and helping, while free, are some of the most rewarding activities around!

While I understand the importance of SEO and traffic-increasing practices, it is not my sole purpose.

Recently, I was approached by the owner of a debt consolidation-type website. I was kind of psyched because this was a site that I had actually visited before and found to be reasonably helpful. Do a link-swap? SURE!

All was good for about 24 hours. I even added one of their helpful financial widgets. Then, simply because I have a link in my blogroll that is NOT related to debt, this person insisted that I remove the unrelated site link from my blog. Um…how about NOOO. So, unbeknownst to me because I forgot to check my debtkiller email for several weeks, he had been insisting with some regularity that I immediately remove their link as well as their widget from The Debt Killer Diaries blog.

After much thought, it seems to me that if you are so very uber-obsessed with the Google Gods that you will follow their every dictate, you just might be slamming the door in the face of potential clientele-you know, those who might need and BUY your services, and yet don’t run to Google on a regular basis. Seems to be an ignorant move, in my humblest of opinions. When Google rankings outweigh the importance of reaching customers (no matter how they may have found you), then really you’re just working for Google.

So much for a helpful resource for debt consolidation. Sorry I am not allowed to recommend that site to you. Actually, I’m not too sorry now that I know their real motivation doesn’t lie in helping people, just maintaining page rank.

If you should see this post, and you are the owner of a reputable debt-consolidation website, blog or other resource, and you would like to do a link-swap, please keep in mind that my site remains as it is, and how I choose it to be. I will not modify nor remove links just to get a link somewhere else. Unless of course, you want to reward me handsomely, in the form of oh, say $100,000 per link removed. Then, hey….I’ll consider it!

Until then, I’m off to ward off the evils of debt.

Rock on!

I’ve come to realize, lately, that the maddening cycle of debt and depression starts and stops right here. With me.

This blinding epiphony comes in the wake of laying down and being trampled again by the circumstances otherwise known as life.  After having given up, when even a tiny fraction of the plan goes to shit.

What does this mean?  It means for the past 3 months:

-Checking account is unbalanced

-Mortgage payment is late

-Struggling to catch up on basic recurring bills (electric, heating oil, property taxes, etc.)

-Remaining debt remains.  Untouched for the moment. 

I am the world’s leading authority on best practices of procrastination.  Major, MAJOR flaw.  So, what I write here, for anyone in the world to see, is how NOT to be successful and what it’s like to be strangled by your own gray matter. 

Do NOT try this at home.

Does it even matter?

Depression, sometimes being cause by chemical imbalances, can be the cause of debt, especially the stupid variety.

You’ll do anything to take your mind off the pain.  Anything to numb the overwhelming feelings.  This can lead to expensive and destructive habits such as gambling, drugs and even shopping addicitions.  Whatever works, right?

On the other hand, waking up one day to realize what an idiot you have been, when it comes to finances, and seeing the big, ugly picture can send you spiraling into a depression, even if you don’t suffer from chemical imbalances!

Your self esteem will definitely suffer quite a few dents and dings as you try to untangle your financial knots.

Regardless of which came first, chicken or egg, the only way to kill the debt is with slow, steady, determined progress. Everyone wants to erase debt quick! The ads are everywhere, even on this blog-but the reality is that you don’t have the cash on hand or else you wouldn’t BE in debt.

Depression can suck your will to live.  The will to move forward is replaced by the constant urge to stick your head in the sand and let the world pass by.  How do I know?  I live it.  Everyday.  And I have learned the hard way that all you can is to do what you can, and move forward, step by solitary step.  Inch by inch even, if that’s what it takes.

If you think you may be depressed, and need help-GET IT!  Don’t think that you have to wallow and struggle through it alone.  In the meantime, here’s some advice about stopping the cycle of clinical depression

The real truth about online payday loans….

Run the other way.  Seriously.  If you think it’s a quick fix that you’ll be able to get out of next week, you’d better pick up a magnifying glass and read that fine print a little closer!

I’m happy to say that we never fell in to that particularly vicious payday loan nightmare.  Well sort of not, at least not through the typical Payday Loan businesses that populate any urban or not-so-urban locale and prey on those who, no matter the circumstance, are in need of money NOW!

I think, in total, twice we used such a service (the brick and mortar variety), and it only took ONE time dealing with an online payday loan operation to learn that we would NEVER go down that particulary muddy, bumpy road again.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, yes they do; however, I am here to tell you that letting panic win out and allow you to go against your better judgment will never be the right choice. We were in one of our many binds, a few years back, and needed money just to live on (gas, food, a utility about to be shut off, etc., etc., blah, blah…), so we looked online, and found a place, got a quick couple of hundred bucks and never took the time to figure out that we had just screwed ourselves for at least a good 6 months. I can’t find the exact details because that part of my check register has mysteriously disappeared, but suffice it to say that we got a $300 payday loan in the summer of 2007 and when it was finally said and done, in January of 2008, we had (weekly) paid them back the $300 AND another $450 in interest and “account maintenance” fees.

You ask why we didn’t put a stop to this sooner? Because one of us was an idiot, lost the original copy of the signed “contract”, and then when we tried to contact the place, we could either never get through or when we did-we couldn’t get a straight answer.  Not to mention, figuring our less-than-intelligent states of mind back then, we didn’t have the first clue as to how to put a stop to it.  Finally, after 5.5 months of this crap, we started researching, called the company back, and then magically they said “Oh, yeah, your last payment comes out this week….”

I guess the lesson I would LOVE for you to glean from this so very pathetic moment of weakness in our financial history is this:

If you’re desperate for cash (for bills, survival, etc.), it would almost be more advisable to sell off a kidney than to deal with online payday loan services.  Don’t do it.  Do you HEAR ME?  DO NOT DO IT!

If you don’t believe me, just google any online payday loan service….and keep looking until you see reviews or forum posts, etc.  You could spend hours reading horror story upon horror story about how some of these places operate.

Sell something instead.  That’s what they make pawn shops for, right? Quick cash, don’t have to pay it back, and don’t have the nightmare of seeing some crooked business have access to your bank account until they are damned good and ready to stop taking out their weekly withdrawals.

It didn’t take one cent to get in to debt, nor sense-in my case, but it takes many cents to get back out of debt and on the road to being financially free and responsible.  There are 10 gazillion “Ways to Make Money” online, and off, about 9.99 gazillion of which are dead ends.  Here are the simplest, easiest and most honest ways that I personally am using to make the money to kill our debt:

1.  Selling stuff.  Whether you hold a garage sale at home, post ads on CraigsList, or explore auction/sales sites like eBay, you CAN sell your stuff.

By stuff, I refer to that which you have bought, and no longer use.  The baubles. The trinkets. The things you never really needed but just HAD to have anyway. I’ve got plenty of it.  I bet you can find some to, stashed away in your house.

I’m exploring some options and looking into a site called Bonanzle.com.  I’ll let you know when I know more!

2.  Making stuff.  Can you bake? Can you cook? Can you mow yards?  Can you garden? Can you sew? Can you work with wood?  Then, by all means, you have the ability to make stuff, sell that stuff and use the proceeds to whack away at the debt!

Takes some homework, especially if you think about selling food-type stuffs, but the opportunities are pretty much endless. Weekend flea markets, craft shows and fairs are great places to sell stuff!

I know, that’s kind of ass-backwards, because you may not want to promote buying stuff when you, yourself, know how easy it is to get into a bind by spending cash on useless stuff.  SO, I suggest to you, that you make useFUL stuff!  Look around, you’ll see what people use in everyday life.  Observation is key.

3.  Doing stuff.  If you’re really in a bind, it may be crunch time and you may want to consider picking up a 2nd job to quickly knock out some of the debt.  Who has time? I know….nobody has time.  You won’t have time until you make the time. Take a look at your current line of work.  Can you translate those skills into something doable online for extra cash?  Consulting work? Design jobs? Writing? Work in construction, plumbing or electricity? Can you find time to pick up tiny handyperson jobs in the evenings?

It takes commitment. It takes a bit of sacrifice. It’s slow going. But the end result more than justifies everything it will take to get there.

I get scared.  Most times, I kind of just get blissfully ignorant and don’t think too far in to the future.  But sometimes, a barrage of dreadful thoughts box my ears and I am afraid of not being better off in the future.  Fear is becoming my motivation.

What’s yours?

So, if I can make such an utter and complete mess of finances for so many years, maybe you wonder how I keep track of anything.  First, let me inform you that I have lived much of my life with a raging case of undiagnosed ADD.  I never even realized that there was any sort of justification for the mess of a person that I have been all throughout life. Not until our daughter was diagnosed and I started researching it did I realize that HELLOOOOOOOO, this is YOU.  So, while I had my own sort of organized chaos, and a tremendous ability to make myself blissfully ignorant, I finally had a basis for understanding myself. 

Over the years, I went from unruly stacks of bills, receipts, etc., to discovering those nifty little pendaflex folders that hold a years worth of items.  About once every 3-4 months I would sort through the messes (which used to be stored in an empty laundry basket) and file away anything of importance.  Regular school folders for different items, and manilla envelopes would hold important things like insurance policies, tax returns, etc. 

After working at an insurance company, I happened upon a spare policy file folder, complete with the two-pronged tabs. 

This has become my saving organizational grace. I have all bills separated by categories:  medical, old accounts, current bills (taxes).  As the months, and next year go by, I expect to be able to retire this folder.  For now, it holds all statements and copies of letters that I send to bill collectors or creditors.  Actually, once I start making payments on a larger bill, I take it, along with any correspondence, and place it in the back.  Each time I make a payment, I write on the statement, so that I have a running tab in the folder.  Once a bill gets paid in full, I transfer it to the pendaflex in the month it was paid.  I am quite the anal-retentive debt killer when it comes to keeping paper trails.

 I also track all accounts in Quicken (as you can see by the chart in this month’s Killing Debt update ). I must admit that without having been given free access to Quicken when we got our first computer back in 1999, finances would probably still be in an unglorious shambles and exponentially worse!  When I’m able to put EVERY piece of information into one program, then my ability to focus and prioritize increases. I don’t know how normal people function when it comes to tracking their money, paying their bills and organizing.  I just know what works (and doesn’t) in this household. 

So there you have it.  This unassuming, bright yellow folder and a simple little software program is what keeps us on the straight and narrow path to killing off our debt!  Exciting, I KNOW!  

Hey, just a quickie to let you know that April’s Debt Killing Report has now been issued.  You can find it here:

Killing Debt

Feel free to share your own debt killing progress.  Or just follow my sick-twisted journey towards freedom from financial constraints!